Why “Everyone Should Be Mentally Tough” is a Myth

If you’ve spent any time in business, sport, or even scrolling social media, you’ll often hear or read that “Everyone should be mentally tough.”

It sounds convincing. After all, who wouldn’t want to be more resilient, more confident, more capable under pressure? Surely the answer is for everyone to develop maximum mental toughness and power through life?

But this is a myth. And believing it, can actually do you more harm than good.

Mental Toughness Isn’t Always the Answer

Doug Strycharczyk, co-author of Developing Mental Toughness, makes it clear that mental toughness can be hugely valuable, but it’s not always appropriate.

For example:

• A surgeon who bulldozes through mistakes without self-doubt might miss vital signs that something is wrong
• A leader so determined to “be tough” could ignore their team’s exhaustion, pushing people beyond breaking point
• An athlete who refuses to rest because “quitting is weakness” risks injury that ends their career

Mental toughness is about choice. It’s a tool. Like any tool, it’s useful in the right context, but dangerous if misapplied.

The Difference Between Mental Toughness and Mental Sensitivity

The opposite of mental toughness isn’t weakness. It’s mental sensitivity.

Sensitive people often notice details others miss. They may be more empathetic, creative, or cautious. That doesn’t make them less capable, it makes them capable in different ways.

Think about negotiators who pick up subtle shifts in body language. Or leaders who read the emotional temperature of a room. Or innovators who are alert to problems others have overlooked. These strengths often come from being more sensitive than “tough.”

The most successful teams don’t have everyone maxed out on toughness. They have a mix - people who drive forward, and people who reflect, question, and balance the risks.

Context Matters

Crucially, the amount of mental toughness you need depends on the situation.

• In a crisis - like a business collapse, a high-stakes pitch, or rowing across the Atlantic - toughness helps you hold your nerve and keep going
• In times of stability, sensitivity may be more valuable. It helps you adapt, empathise, and connect

Being relentlessly “tough” in every situation can sometimes reduce performance. It narrows your ability to flex, and in a fast-changing world, adaptability is king.

The Pressure Trap

Another danger with the “everyone must be tough” narrative is the guilt it creates.

If you’re struggling, stressed, or overwhelmed, the last thing you need is the inner critic saying: “You’re not tough enough. You should be able to handle this.”

This adds shame on top of pressure, and ironically, makes it harder to cope.

The truth is, even the mentally toughest people have moments of doubt, fatigue, or vulnerability. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human.

So What’s the Real Goal?

Instead of aiming to be constantly mentally tough, the smarter approach is to:

1. Develop self-awareness
   Understand where you naturally sit on the toughness–sensitivity spectrum. Do you lean towards pushing through, or towards reflecting and caution?
2. Build flexibility
   Strengthen your ability to dial mental toughness up or down depending on what the situation calls for. Think of it like a volume knob, not an on/off switch
3. Respect the balance
   Value the contributions of both toughness and sensitivity  - in yourself and in others. High-performing teams need both.

A Personal Perspective

When I prepare for extreme endurance challenges - like rowing the Atlantic - mental toughness is non-negotiable. There will be storms, sleep deprivation, equipment failures. If I’m not tough, I won’t get through it.

But when I step on stage as a keynote speaker, it’s my sensitivity that allows me to connect with an audience. Reading faces, noticing energy shifts, responding in the moment - that’s not toughness, that’s attunement.

It’s not about choosing one or the other. It’s about knowing when to bring each part of yourself to the table.

Final Thought

The idea that “everyone should be mentally tough” is too simplistic. It ignores context, undervalues sensitivity, and risks creating pressure where people need support.

The real skill - especially in business today - isn’t being permanently tough. It’s being flexible, self-aware, and able to deploy the right mindset at the right time.

Because true resilience isn’t about always being hard. It’s about being smart.

Penny Mallory is a leading authority on mental toughness and an International Keynote speaker on the subject.