How to Stay Strong When Life Feels Out of Control

If the last few years have taught us anything, it’s that uncertainty is the new normal. Whether it’s global events, business upheaval, or personal curveballs, it can often feel like life is spinning beyond our grasp.

And much of it is beyond our control. But that doesn’t mean we have to feel out of control.

This is where mental toughness comes in. Specifically, two elements of the 4Cs model that I use in my work with leaders, athletes, and teams: Life Control and Emotional Control.

Master these, and you’ll discover a calm centre in the middle of the storm.

Life Control: Owning What You Can Influence

Life Control is about recognising where your choices and actions make a difference — and refusing to be paralysed by the things you can’t change.

In business, this shows up all the time. You can’t control interest rates, market shifts, or competitor behaviour. But you can control how your team responds, the decisions you make today, and the standards you set.

When we focus too much on the uncontrollable, we waste energy and spiral into stress. When we focus on the controllables, we feel stronger, calmer, and more effective.

Practical exercise:
Draw two circles on a page: an inner circle for “Things I can control” and an outer circle for “Things I can’t.” Fill them in. Then commit to investing your energy only in the inner circle. It’s a deceptively simple shift, but it’s transformational.

Emotional Control: Keeping Your Cool Under Pressure

Even when we know what’s in our control, emotions can hijack us. That’s where Emotional Control steps in - that's your ability to stay calm, think clearly, and make good decisions even when the pressure’s on.

I’ve seen this in sport, in businesss, and on stage. Two people face the same challenge: one panics, freezes, or lashes out; the other stays composed and focused. The difference isn’t talent, it’s emotional regulation.

Practical tool:
Try the 4-7-8 breathing technique. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8. This lowers your heart rate, reduces stress hormones, and gives your brain space to reset. Use it before a presentation, a tough conversation, or even when you feel frustration rising in traffic.

The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

Here’s the biggest lesson: control isn’t about controlling everything. It’s about recognising what’s yours to own - your mindset, your actions, your response.

When life feels chaotic, mentally tough people don’t chase certainty in the outside world. They create certainty on the inside. That’s the foundation of resilience.

Putting It Into Practice

If you take just two steps this week, make them these:

1. Do the circles exercise Get crystal clear on what’s in your control and what isn’t. Stick it on your desk as a daily reminder.
2. Practise emotional resets Whether that’s 4-7-8 breathing, a short walk, or pausing before you reply to that difficult email.

Do this consistently and you’ll notice something powerful: the world may not get calmer, but you will.

Final Thought

You can’t stop life throwing challenges your way. But you can build the strength to respond with clarity, composure, and confidence.

Control what you can. Manage how you feel. That’s how you stay strong when life feels out of control.

Penny Mallory is a Mental Toughness expert, and a top Keynote Motivational Speaker on Mental Toughness.