When people think about mental toughness, they often imagine grit, determination, and relentless perseverance. And while those are important, there’s another layer that often gets overlooked - control.
In Doug Strycharczyk and Peter Clough’s Developing Mental Toughness, two dimensions of the 4Cs model stand out as game changers for anyone under pressure: Life Control and Emotional Control.
Together, they shape how you see yourself, how you handle challenges, and ultimately, how you perform.
Life Control is about your belief that you can shape your own destiny. Do you see yourself as in charge of your outcomes, or at the mercy of events, luck, and other people?
If you score high on Life Control, you’ll tend to:
If you score low, you might feel like things just “happen” to you - and that you have little power to change them.
This matters because if you don’t believe you’re in control, you’re far less likely to take action, make bold moves, or persist when things get tough.
Life Control is the difference between saying “I can’t do anything about this." and “This isn’t easy, but there’s something I can do”
Emotional Control is about regulating how you express your emotions - especially under stress. It’s not about suppressing feelings, but managing them so they don’t overwhelm you or spill out in unhelpful ways that affect your performance.
Strong Emotional Control helps you to:
Low Emotional Control, on the other hand, often shows up as anger, frustration, or anxiety taking the driver’s seat. In business, or in life, this can be costly. Leaders who lose their cool erode trust. Teams who panic in a crisis make poor decisions.
Emotional Control doesn’t mean being robotic, it means having the discipline to choose how you respond, even when you feel the heat.
Both Life Control and Emotional Control are about having a sense of agency. They remind you that while you can’t control the world, you can control two critical things:
That’s the foundation of resilience. If you feel powerless, or if your emotions run the show, pressure will break you. But when you know you’re in the driver’s seat - and you can steer your emotional state - pressure becomes manageable.
So how do you strengthen Life Control and Emotional Control? Here are a few practical strategies:
Instead of saying “I have no choice”, try “What’s within my control here?” Even small actions restore a sense of agency and build confidence
List what’s in your power (your effort, preparation, mindset) and what isn’t (the economy, the weather, someone else’s opinion). Then focus your energy only on the first list
When emotions rise, buy yourself a gap between stimulus and response. Count to five, breathe deeply, or even excuse yourself for a moment. This gives your rational brain a chance to kick back in
Emotional Control doesn’t mean never feeling stressed. It means knowing how to reset. Exercise, journaling, and even simple walks can help you discharge tension and regain composure
Often, others see our emotional patterns before we do. Ask trusted colleagues or friends: “How do I behave under pressure?” Awareness is the first step to improvement
When I was rally driving, I learned fast that control was everything. The car could be unpredictable, the weather treacherous, the competition fierce. But I had to believe I could handle it - that’s Life Control. And I had to keep calm with a co-driver giving me pace notes at me at 100mph - that’s Emotional Control.
The same applies in business. Whether it’s a sales pitch, a boardroom negotiation, or leading through constant change, people are watching how you respond. If you believe you can influence outcomes and you can regulate your emotions under pressure, you become the person others trust to lead.
Life Control and Emotional Control aren’t glamorous. They don’t make headlines like grit or determination. But they are the silent foundations of mental toughness.
If you can strengthen these two muscles, you’ll not only improve performance under pressure - you’ll also reduce stress, build trust, and create a steadier path through the uncertainty of modern life.
Because when the storm comes, it’s not just toughness that keeps you steady. It’s your sense of control.
Penny Mallory is International Motivational Speaker on Mental Toughness
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